IT'S THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE TRAVEL MEMORABLE

As Sandy & I look back at our past year of travel we realize that the best - & most memorable - moments about visiting our 13 countries & 9 states were due to the people we were fortunate enough to meet.


Look, the way we travel is very simple: we try to avoid hotels & opt for staying in local residents' homes.


This works for 4 main reasons:


1. We're not rich & this is much cheaper.


But that isn't the most important. It simply makes it possible for us to visit more places without fearing an all too soon stay in debtor's prison.


The important ones are:


2. We stay in actual neighborhoods & get a 1st hand feel for how the locals really live.


3. We meet people in a more personal way.


And - the best reason -


4. We've made some really good worldwide friendships that can last way beyond a one time vacation.


So, how do you find these private home lodgings?


There are numerous web sites, but we've had the best luck with AirBnB.com. 


A big plus in using this is that not only do you see the homes, know what type of accommodation you're actually getting, read the owner's 'rules' of the house & get the complete price with no later 'surprise ad ons' ...


But you can actually read reviews - some are really brutally honest - from fellow travelers who have actually stayed there.


I can truly say, that we've never had a bad experience booking through 'ABnB' & we've stayed in private homes in England, Scotland & throughout the east coast of the USA.


And we're already booked in homes in Paris & Rome for 2012.


The only surprise we've had is that every stay was even better than what we thought it would be.


Sandy & I would like to thank our 2011 'worldwide hosts' Michael & Bernard, Jane, Stephanie, Peter & Adrian, Millie, Eileen & Michael, Evelyn, Matt & Jackie, Shelly & Steve, Deb & Tony, Terry & Chris, Ben, Sebastian, Sara, Katie & Luke for sharing their homes, lifestyles & their cities/states/countries with us.


You are all in our thoughts, smiles & hearts.


Happy 2012 traveling to all.

ARE THEY 'MONKEYING' WITH US?

Every hear of the Suncoast Primate Sanctuary?

Neither had I until yesterday when they announced the passing of this famous 80 year old resident:


Don't you recognize this Hollywood star?


Well, neither did I, but SPS Director Debbie Cobb claims that this is the original 'Cheetah' from the Johnny Weismuller MGM 1930s flicks.


In fact, she said old JW himself dropped the chimp off to her grandparents - when they ran the Florida Palm Harbor sanctuary - around 1960. This 'Cheetah' was in the 1932 - 34 films.


That would make him the simian star of both 'Tarzan The Ape Man' & 'Tarzan & His Mate'. The 1st two of the Weismuller series & probably the best.


Plus this baby was rated #1 on Entertainment Weekly's list of '10 Best Monkeys in the Movies'. Quite an honor for any acting ape.


So all Hollywood animal movie lovers should send flowers - or at least a ripe bunch of bananas - to honor his memory, right?


Not necessarily so.


It seems that there are serious doubters to the authenticity of this monk's claim to fame because:


1. Most chimps live between 40 - 60 years in captivity. At 80, this great grandpa would be the oldest ever recorded.


2. There are Hollywood historians who claim the actual 1932-34 star was a 'Mr. Jiggs' who peeled his last banana in 1938.


3. Besides Cobb's word, where is the proof?


'Uh,' said Cobb, 'there was a fire in '95 where a lot of that documentation burned up.'


Hmmm. This makes some movie mavens wonder aloud if this could simply be a publicity ploy to get more foot traffic for the sanctuary.


Perhaps. After all it does cost a lot of coin to feed the sanctuary's over 70 animals - that includes more than just primates. 


Check out their You Tube video:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2hk7yQA5_U&feature=player_embedded


And a 10 spot for adults - 5 buckeroos for kids - will buy bunches of bananas & help keep all cages clean.


But so what?


Hey these peeps are doing some very good work for some homeless animals so who really cares if they monkey-ed a bit with the truth to keep the place solvent & running?


And this 'Cheetah-gate' thing could be as innocent as it being just another 'maybe it happened, maybe it didn't Grandma/Grandpa story' told to an accepting, wide-eyed, very young granddaughter about the day 'Tarzan' visited their little zoo & dropped off a special package.


One thing we do know, this 'Cheetah' was outgoing, enjoyed finger painting, liked football & was soothed by listening to 'nondenominational Christian music'.


How he could tell the difference between 'denom' & 'nondenom' is anybody's guess.


But this 'Cheetah' could be a bit cranky. If he didn't care for somebody, he'd fling a handful of his own poop at them.


Now - if aimed at the right folk - that's something I'd pay a 20 (or more) to see.

WILL THE WORLD REALLY END IN 2012?

Next December 21, the Mayan 5,000 plus year calender ends. 


There are those who believe that this predicts the final bow of planet Earth.


Some theories say an errant, mysterious planet causes complete destruction by too closely crossing our orbital path.  


Others claim that misaligning stars screw up our poles creating deadly weather patterns that make even some of Al Gore's darkest  'inconvenient truths' look like balmy summer days at the beach.


Although this doesn't bode so badly for those of you living in Detroit, Cleveland, Camden, NJ or any area that may be yet scheduled to hold possibly one more Republican Presidential debate - for the rest of us - let me just say that it would more than just 'ruin our day'.


Ok, we all know that the chances of this Mayan calender telling us anything - besides that its makers may have run out of ink, paper or interest in what will be happening 5,125 years in their future - are really very remote.


But one thing is for sure - south of the boarder tourism is going to get a big boost.


With all the 'world is ending' hoopla, some travel experts believe that over 50 million people will visit Mexican Mayan historical sites next year - just in case.


Can you say, 'You want HOW MANY pesos for that room?!?'?


Well, Sandy & I beat the rush, saved some coin - & missed the possibility of being smack in the middle of ground zero for a cataclysmic event (just in case those crafty ol' Mayan astronomers knew just a bit more than the late Carl Sagan) - by visiting Tulum last week.

Ok, these aren't the biggest, most impressive, best preserved ruins in Mexico.

You'd have to go to Chichen Itza - the 'Disneyland' of all such sites - for that.

Chichen Itza

But these are very well preserved.

Tulum

Are easily accessible as a cruise ship day excursion - thus saving the need for a 'soon to be higher priced' hotel & plane.

And Tulum is directly on the beautiful Caribbean - right on the beach - so those in your family who have a less historic bent can don a bathing suit & go for a swim.

But don't expect lifeguards - hey this is Mexico.

And be sure to hold onto the railing - with both hands - on the steep, winding 'la playa' stairs.

After all -with some folks' luck - that could be the exact time all ancient predictions come true.

DREAM OF BEING A MACY'S T'DAY PARADE 'BALLOONIST'?

Like to 'fly' one of these babies?





Many folk have had the dream - since they were kids - to march in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade down NYC's streets while commandeering one of these world famous giant character balloons. 





Well those little magic makers at Universal may make this dream come true - sort of.


Ok, you'll actually be about 1,000 miles south - give or take - of the Big Apple. And since the parade is only 20 - 30 minutes long, its route is a tad shorter. 


But you will be on U's fairly convincing Manhattan mock up outdoor street & - thanks to Orlando's balmy temps - neither hand, tootsie nor finger frostbite will be a concern.


Yes - from now through January 1 - this can be you:

...  in blue, holding the cables, at U's daily version of the parade.


Plus it's free - that is after you pay U's theme park entrance fee. 


So how do you become a 'for the day' balloon pilot?


Either check at guest relations when you enter the park or - about 2 hours before the parade - be on the look out for multicolored jump suit wearing 'professional balloon wranglers' who roam the park searching for volunteers. They'll sign you up on the spot.


But not just anyone can hold the strings. 


You must you be wearing closed toed shoes, can walk 2 miles, be over 18, be able to lift 50 lbs, have a free 2 hours, can speak English & - of course - happen to be in the U theme park.


There is no pay, but you will get to wear a very stylish jumpsuit & receive an official 'I carried a big balloon' - or something like that - cert. 

WHERE"S THE WORLD'S TALLEST CHRISTMAS TREE?

Ok, where in the world would you have to go to see the biggest Christmas tree?


Scandinavia would be a good guess - but it's a wrong one. 


How about Dubai? After all everything there seems to be bigger, better & more expensive than anyplace else. 


And they do have a 'bigger than life indoor skiing mountain' built right in the middle of a desert-like climate.


This is true, but they have yet to grow or build the tallest tree.


For the largest of the large, you have to stay in the good old USA.


I know, a few of you are thinking it has to be the national one in Washington DC while most just know NYC's Rockefeller  Center's spruce is the top tree.


But the winner is actually bigger than these 2 combined.


To see this 162' beauty you have to go to Idaho.


Yes, Idaho to the Coeur d'Alene Resort. 


And not only can you gaze at this gigantic grand fir - and its 40,000 plus lights...

...but you can also book a winter 'Fantasy Cruise' to the resort's mega 'North Pole' display complete with what seems to be a billion more lights, multi-displays & old St. Nick himself.


If Christmas is your thing, this could be your place.


For further info check:


http://www.cdaresort.com/activities/holiday_lights 


And don't worry, rumor has it that they are accepting the naughty as well as the nice.

LONG DISTANCE FLIGHT? 'SEATGURU' MAY HELP

Surviving a long distance flight isn't for wimps.


Crying babies, lavatory loving row mates & smaller than ever seats could make a multi-miled journey seem more like you're a 'Fear Factor' contestant rather than enjoying the beginning (or ending) of what should be (or have been) a relaxing vacation.


What can you do besides changing your seat - which is getting harder & harder to do as airlines seem to be on a mission to fill every possible space?


Maybe 'SeatGuru' can help.


Ok, SG isn't going to silence infants, constipate the incontinent nor 'un-crowd the plane', but it can tell you which seat is going to be the most comfortable on the plane - so you can reserve it in advance - at the same time you book your ticket.


And this service is free.


Yowza.


True - unless you're in 1st class (& even there not all seats are created equal) - there are truly zero comfortable seats. 


But SG's greatest value is that you can avoid the very worst ones.


For example, if you are flying on Delta flight 200 (nonstop from LA to Atlanta, 10:30am-5:49pm, on a Boeing 757) SG would tell you that there are only 4 economy class seats (Row 27, Seats B,C,D,E) that are rated 'good' because the have 'some extra seat pitch' & they 'fully recline'.


Not exactly fit for royalty, but better than the 17 red rated 'poor' seats.


These boast 'less leg room', 'smaller seat area', 'immovable armrests', 'the inability to recline' or 'the close proximity to restrooms and/or gallies'.


Some red seats actually have more than one (or all) of the above. 


So click on -


http://www.seatguru.com/


- & you may (at the very least) save your sacroiliac. 


And you can also check what 'audio, video, internet & food' amenities are available on your flight.


OK, SG isn't some miracle site that's going to make your long airplane trip 'magic carpet ride perfect', but at least it might lessen your 'post-flight' chiropractic bill.

WHEN DID 'SNOW GLOBES' BECOME WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?

You know the ones I mean - those liquid filled glass/plastic globes depicting some sort of bucolic winter scene. You turn, shake & an instant snow slowly falls over all.


Very young children & grandmas seem to love them.


But not the Grinches at the TSA.


According to our friends at Jet Blue - the airport safety checking Scrooges will steal ... er of course I mean 'gently take' ... the holiday globes right from your hands (as well as the 'ho, ho, ho-ing' Christmas smiles from your faces) if you try to bring them on an airplane.


It seems there's enough liquid inside - that if made from the wrong chemistry set - could blow up Cleveland. 


Not a really bad prospect to some - & it would give a mercifully early end to the Browns' less than stellar f'ball season - but, none the less, it probably would be a national tragedy. 


Anyway, welcome to the wonderful winter world of post 911 holiday travel.


Today, not only globes but some traditional holiday treats & liquids are verboten. 


To avoid incident, tears & the confiscation of Uncle Oswald's Christmas cranberry sauce -  the only present he really wanted - the modern day highwaymen at the TSA suggest putting:


1. 'Any liquid, aerosol and gel item ... in your checked bag' - Good.  


2. 'Ship it ahead' - Better.


3. 'Or leave (them) at home if they are above the permitted 3.4 oz.' - Obviously what they like Best.


Their list of 'no-nos' include: 


Cranberry sauce
Cologne
Creamy dips and spreads
(cheeses, peanut butter, etc.)
Gift baskets with food items
(salsa, jams and salad dressings)
Gravy
Jams
Jellies
Lotions
Maple syrup
Oils and vinegars
Perfume
Salad dressing
Salsa
Sauces
Snowglobes
Soups
Wine, liquor and beer 


How they missed a 'partridge in a pear tree' is beyond me.

But, bakery chefs might be in luck:


'You can bring pies and cakes through the security checkpoint, but please be advised that they are subject to additional screening.'


Looking at the girth of some of the TSA-ers, that might include taste tests.


And they want you to remember:


'While wrapped gifts are not prohibited, if a bag alarms our security officers may have to unwrap a gift to take a closer look inside.'


Picture a 10 year old tearing apart the wrapping from the newest, most wanted  Playstation game - double speed that visual - & you'll get the idea.

SAVING $ ON CARIBBEAN LAND EXCURSION$

When booking a Caribbean cruise, most people take the easy way out & purchase all land excursions through their ship.


And why not? After all, the ship's sales mavens convince us that: 


  1. They are the pros in knowing what's best to do at every port stop.


  2. There are limited seats, so if you don't book your favorite trip - and do it quickly - it may be sold out. 


I mean, how could you face your water cooler pals if you 'walked the plank' on being able to down all the rum made in Jamaica while sailing on a nearly genuine Pirate Ship?


  3.  Even if there is some sort of delay in your land travels - the cruise boat will not leave port without you ONLY if you bought the tour through them. If you buy on your own & the tour runs late, the ship will sail & you'll be scrambling for expensive plane tix to the next island stop.


Well....


   1. Yes, they are pros - but there are other pros in town.


   2. In 99.9% of all cases, they somehow find room for 1 more as long as the tour hasn't already begun & you have $ in hand.


   3. Although cruise ships have left passenger's behind, the cause is usually due to staying for an extra  cervaza (or - most likely - a dos & a tres) at Carlos & Charlies rather than a tardy tour.


And the truth is...


   4. You can save over half the costs, enjoy excursions of equal value & actually sightsee longer, see more & suffer less waits/crowds by buying off ship.


Ok, where can you book?


Try me. As a travel consultant, I can more times than not set you up with a better, cheaper, less crowded tour than you can buy on the ship with professional, responsible, on time tour companies.


For those of you who rather do things yourself, when you land in any port, just walk off the ship. Tours are a big, profitable, competitive business. There will be companies & individuals waiting to take you - & your tourist $ - anywhere you want to go.


Look at Grand Cayman, for example.


Once you walk past all the placard waving 'ship bought' tour guides, you will see a dozen or so kiosks where you can purchase more tours - with better prices, more convenient times, less waits - than you can imagine.

You could actually take 2 tours, see more, spend less & be back on the ship hours before it sails.


We paid $20 each for a 2 hour Island Tour by Discount Excursions that leaves every hour. If we had bought this on board, it would have been more than double in cost & wouldn't have begun until 2 hours later.


Thus we had plenty of extra time to peruse the port's shops/restaurants after the tour & still had mucho time to get back to the ship.


And we actually could have had the same trip for $15 each - with another small, but reputable company - if we had brought cash.


Hey, I'm not saying 'don't take a ship bought tour'. For some who want to relax on a pre-planned vaca, they fill the bill.


But if you'd like a little better value for your travel buck, there are other ways.


And haven't you already given enough of your cash to the ships via the penny slots?

CRUISE SHIP PARASAILING GOES SPLAT

If you're thinking of a parasailing excursion during your next Caribbean cruise, think again.


After last month's fatal flop by a 60 year old 'post soaring' Virgin Island visiting vacationer - 2011's 3rd American tourist para death - a bunch of cruise ships have said 'au revoir' to the pseudo sport.


That's right, as of now revelers on Carnival, Celebrity, Norwegian & Royal Caribbean will have to search for other ways to break their necks while enjoying 7 fun filled days at sea.


It seems that although there are nearly a couple of thousand worldwide companies who will dangle you mucho feet over aqua from the aft end of a boat - there's very, very, very little legislation/licensing/etc to quality control this high flying biz.


Ok, in the USA the Coast Guard does license commercial parasail boat drivers and inspects the bigger boats - but there's zero (as in 'no') standards for parachutes, harnesses, training or flying procedures.


Over foreign waters it's even less. 


Many times all a 'floating businessman' may need is a boat, motor, rope, parachute & the moxie to charge from 70 to 120 buckeroos for an 8 minute ride.


Hey, no doubt many of these high flyers are insured, believe in safety 1st & never have had an accident. But would you want to bet your life that Pedro has been properly darning his 'chute' or that he even has enough gas in his engine?


A couple of fatal 'splats' occurred when the outboard simply stopped running.


There's a chance you could get better odds at a game of Russian Roulette. And - if you're as lucky as Lindy - maybe even at 1 of all the Caribbean cruise ships' blackjack tables.


But all you death defying thrill seekers - don't despair. Holland America will still send you flying into these perhaps not so friendly skies.


However, they will only allow parasailing at their private island stop - Half Moon Cay - where HA actually owns the service & makes all of the profit$.


Here's hoping that they are as careful in checking all PS tow lines as they were in checking their own bottom one.

CHECK CRUISE SHIP BILLS

As both my readers know, last week we cruised the Caribbean aboard  Norwegian's Pearl.


Of course, we had a great time. How can you sail on any cruise ship & not?


But it did remind me of a couple of universal truths that 7 day sailors should never forget.


The 1st & most important - always check your final bill very, very carefully.


Although some cruise ships have this bill available on your cabin TV, low tech Norwegian attaches theirs to your cabin door.


With all the hustle, bustle & confusion of packing, leaving luggage in the hall, checking every nooked cranny for runaway socks, grabbing that final breakfast & disembarking ALL BEFORE 8AM - it is very possible to miss a few $ that shouldn't have been charged.


And they do appear.


Ok, we all know that one of the most humorous parts of any cruise is standing by the 'Guest Service Desk' & eavesdropping on someone who will swear on that morning's bloody mary that he couldn't have a 4 figure bar tab - then watch his face get as red as his nose when the GS peeps present his signed bar receipts.


Hey, the almost $10 beers (after service charges) do add up. 


But there are times - like on our bill - where there's a real discrepancy. Ours was about 30% too much.


After an hour's wait at the GS Desk (it seems Norwegian had manned this with more folk every other day but the final one), I faced GSD employee Fredrick Fernandes with my bill (always get full names when dealing with GS - I had to get his off his name tag because he wouldn't tell me).


At 1st FF was very dismissive about my math, but after carefully & patiently showing him my figures (that any 2nd grader would have immediately understood), Freddy hemmed, hawed & punched #s on his computer for over 20 minutes before agreeing that I was owed $80.05.


And get this - the company wasn't going to immediately credit my account, but would send a check (someday in the future) to my home.


As Sandy observed, 'How 1980s'.


Anyway, we could have avoided this last minute monetary debate by going to the GSD daily & asking for a printout of our charges. 


Ok, this will cut a bit into your drinking time & might cause some GSD frowns, but many cruisers do this for obviously a good reason. You should too.


You'll be able to see your charges and actually possibly remember if they are true.


At the very least, you may be convinced to skip a few 'Bahama Mamas' & keep your tab under a grand. 

CRUISING ON THE NORWEGIAN PEARL

For both of my readers who might actually miss this blog - warning: I'm taking the next week off.


No, I'm not going fishing. Sandy & I are booked on the Norwegian Pearl - in an 'anti-penthouse' interior cabin. 


Hey, we're cheap & we'd rather spend our travel bucks on travel than portholes.


Anyway, my son Scott is manning the condo while we enjoy the wonders of Ocho Rios, Grand Cayman, Cozumel  & Norwegian owned Grand Stirrup. 


Yes, we could have schlepped along our computers, trudged them to island Starbucks or paid the exorbitant on ship wifi fees (Ok, we all know that's not gonna happen. Have you forgotten - we're cheap) to write our daily musings....


But, I've always been a believer that it's much better to enjoy an experience than to hole in a dark interior cabin to write about it...


So, this week, we're living life & 'experiencing'. Next week, I'll tell you all about it.


Prepare for pics & prattle about the famous - Dunn's River Falls, Stingray City, Tulum, etal - & about the unusual that occurs during Caribbean water travel.


I'll also give hints about how to survive a week aboard the Norwegian Pearl. With nearly a million restaurants, room service & enough activities to fill a year, I know it'll be tough, but remember - we're trained professionals.


Anyway, 'bon voyage' to all 'till next week.


And if you really get bored - why don't you join us: take a week & 'experience'. 


It will add an extra 'ho' or 2 in your 'ho, ho, ho' holiday season.

FLY THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY VIA 'BLACK DIAMONDS'

Tired of getting to airports hours before your flight due to the long delays at the security check point lines?


Do you become misty at the thought of the pre-jailbird OJ Simpson actually running through airports in those ancient Hertz TV ads?


Well, nostalgic/tired traveler, the TSA has felt your pain & created 'Black Diamond' lanes


Since 2/08, 51 airports have offered BDs to 'expert travelers' who can ace all TSA boarding procedures. Now these 'pros' can zip through checkpoint lines.


So what do you have to know to reach this status?


The TSA suggests:


DO: Wear slip-on shoes. Laces and zippers will slow you down.


DO: empty your pockets and put loose items in your purse, jacket pockets, or carry-on bag while before you get to the checkpoint.


DO: place magazines, snacks or souvenirs purchased in the airport in a carry-on bag or purse before you get to the checkpoint. 
Consolidating your items before they go in the bins will help you recompose quickly and clear the checkpoint exit area.


DO: have your liquids baggie out of your carry-on, and make sure you don't have any loose liquid items in your purse or carry-on bag. Notify a security officer if you have any exempt liquids so an officer can provide additional screening if necessary.


DO: put your shoes and coat in the first bin and any carry-on bags in other bins. Then after your bins go through the x-ray, you can slip your shoes and coat on while waiting for your other items to come out.


DO: put your laptop bag in the bin before your laptop. Then as the bins come out of the x-ray, just slip it back in, zip and go.


DO: put your bins on the belt for the x-ray machine vertically versus horizontally. This allows the security officers to view more than one image at a time, and helps speed up the process.


DON'T: try to put shoes or boots with zippers or laces on right when you take them out of the bins. Move to the side to let other passengers take their items and go.


Got all that? 


Ok, it's not exactly cranium surgery, but master these 'dos/don'ts' then proudly march up to the Black Diamond security point & race through like the knowledgeable frequent flyer that you are. 


For the list of all 51 APs offering BDs click on the 'diamonds' on the map at:


http://www.tsa.gov/approach/black_diamond.shtm


And run as fast as 'the Juice' once did - with or without the Bruno Maglis.

'FLYING COMPANIONS' FOR SENIORS

The sad fact is - as we gray, the smaller our world becomes.


As we reach our 70s, 80s & 90s travel - especially by air with intimidating & confusing security check points, gate changes, long walking distances to planes, etc. - becomes very difficult, if not impossible.


That was until 'Flying Companions' debuted.


This new Atlanta based company will not only provide a 'flying companion' for grandma - but also for children, the handicapped or anyone who fears flying solo. 


That's not all.


If you'd like, they will also pick you up at your home, arrange any wheelchair or 'through the airport' cart transportation, hold your hand through security, boarding, take off, landing & arrival, help in mastering airport/airline restrooms and personally deliver you to a destination home.


Believe it or not, they'll also arrange all flight tickets & transfers. 


A truly complete door to door service.


Ok, this does not come cheaply. Plan on spending a couple of thou. 


The total price varies depending on time of year, how far advance you book, the services you want & the distance to be traveled. 


Remember, besides all the 'FC' fees you will also be picking up RT tix for your 'companion'.


But for the freedom to fly again & peace of mind, it may be worth it.


For more info call - 1-888-350-8886 or check out their website:


www.flyingcompanions.com/default.aspx


Thanks to 'Flying Companions', grandma's world may have suddenly grown.

A HOMELAND SECURITY 'BROWN' ALERT?

To all you would-be Arab terrorists who planned on carrying explosives hidden deep inside your colostomy bags - my advice is to forget it.  


The USA TSA has smelled you coming.


That's right & proving this point, TSA-ers recently manhandled - in a couple of separate aircraft saving incidents - not 1, but 2 senior cronettes who weren't quick enough in explaining the 'colostomy bag bump' in their pants.


And the fact that these two 'terror suspects' were almost 90 years old didn't even register on the super gate protectors' radar.


Hey, maybe even their walkers gave off a suspicious scent.


But thanks to on the ball inspectors' selfless zeal - all frequent flyers were saved from a potentially explosive bag of poop.


What these heroes won't do for God & country.


It seems that this latest battle of the 'bulge' began when eagle eyed NYC JFK screeners noticed the questionable protrusions, did a quick 'hand to body' frisk & immediately ordered the pair to strip.


I mean, who knew that a sack of #2 felt the same as an aircraft busting bomb?


Well, the 2 did drop trou, were allegedly groped by these air safety patriots who finally 'sniffed out' the non detonating 'c' bags.


The 2 grand dames were completely humiliated.


The next chapter will probably be written by the ladies' lawyers, but we all have learned a valuable lesson from this incident: 


If you ever approach a TSA-er with a bulge in your pants - make sure its because you're really glad to see them.

IT COST 'WHAT' TO PARK MY CAR?

You get great value for your travel dollar when you book a cruise.


The price always includes your room, all the food you'd ever dream of eating, loads of entertainment & transportation between ports. 


And you can easily visit 3 or more countries without repacking your suitcase.


Plus you can find 7 day-ers with advertised prices starting around the $500 per peep mark for an inside cabin. 


Of course, savvy sailors know that this doesn't include taxes - which can add another $200 or so to the toll - nor drinks, nor shore excursions, nor specialty restaurants, nor tips ....


Pretty soon the price of your ticket can double or even triple from what you thought you were paying.


But, all & all, you are still getting a great deal for your vacation  buck - just not as great as you 1st thought.


Now the ports are getting into the act of picking passenger pockets in the form of parking fees.


In Miami, you may think you are paying $7 per day to park - & you are IF you're parking 'short term'. 


'ST' translates as 'not over night'.


Since it's the same ticket for either ST or long term parking, some travelers are surprised to pay not $49 when picking up their Edsel, but a whopping 20 bananas per day or $140 to $160 (depending on drop off & pick up times).


Think of the number of Bahama Mamas you could have bought with that cash.


So how do you beat the high cost of basically ransoming your ride from port lots?


A quick Google search found a handful of private lots in the port area ranging in price from $31.50 to just under $60. Most (except for the $31.50 version where a $5 taxi ride wasn't included) provided free shuttle service to & from the boat. 


All claim various levels of security.


But if you don't want to leave your Rolls in one of these lots? 


That $140 - $160 gives you some leeway. Depending on your location from the port, it may actually be cheaper to hire a shuttle service & enjoy the luxury of being chauffeured to & from the ship.


Of course there's always out of work Cousin Clarence who'd drive anyone or anything to Timbuktu for a handful of greenbacks.


There are still a few - but not as many as there once were - 'near port hotels' that (for the price of a night's stay) will give you a room & let you leave the family bus in their lot for the cruise's duration. Some might still actually shuttle you to & fro the ship, but most expect you to taxi it.


Whichever you choose, enjoy your vacation & if you start fretting about costs, another Bahama Mama or 3 should wash them from your mind.

AN 'EPIC' LOOK SEE

If you want a realistic 'smack in your face' look at today's class structure, take a familiarization tour of any major cruise ship.


Ok, you can't. 


Why? There's no financial upside for the big ship bosses to let the great unwashed (you) see how the top 1% - & a few of their less fortunate friends - travel on every vacation.


However, there is the possibility of a 'decent dollar gain' to give travel consultants a look see. 


The hope is that we will be so wowed by the over the top opulence   that we'll convince sailing clients that it's worth 3 to 6 times their normal freight to sail like the Rockerfellers.


And who cares if they miss this year's IRA contribution, their kids college fund payments or even next months rent, because for 7 days they will be sleeping on a round bed in a suite of lavish rooms & showering in front of floor to ceiling windows with a breath taking sea view.

Hopefully not when passing a high rise or another 19 deck ship with equally as big windows.


Anyway, that's how - today - Sandy & I got to inspect the 3rd largest cruising ship in the world - & the brand newest of the Norwegian line - the Epic.





Ok, the boat does have the 1st at sea ice bar, a Blue Man Group AND Cirq de Soleil show, a nifty water slide park...



... full basketball court, an impressive climbing wall...

 a 2nd City comedy room, dueling pianos, 2 2 story TVs...

& more restaurants/clubs than you'll find on any typical big city block.

But we only saw these things for the 45 minutes we were allowed to bumble about the ship on our own.


And, granted, they did take an hour to serve us a lavish feast - from their best on ship restaurants - that was yum, yum delicious.  And the wine did flow & flow & flow.


But the 'Norwegians' spent the greatest part of the day hawking the grandeur & splendor of their elite, top priced, multi-roomed digs...






... that feature both a butler & concierge, 7 bottles of name brand booze in your private bar, his & her 'powder rooms' & use of the exclusive 'Haven' - a suite & villa guest only private area consisting of a large lounge...





... a private pool...

 two whirlpools, a gym, sun deck...

... and the posh Epic Club restaurant.





If you were to sail next Saturday, these rooms would set you back $3,000 or so per person as opposed to the $599 for a lower interior cabin - that in the Titanic's time might have been called steerage class.


But are these palatial accoms worth the outlay? That's up to you, your desired lifestyle & your pocketbook. 


If you'd like to live in an ocean viewed suite of rooms (stocked with booze, servants & private spas, lounges, sunning spots) that are fit for Charles & Carmilla - & the price won't cause you (the very next week) to check in to debtors' prison - then why not? 


However, to me a room is a room. It's the journeys that matter. I'd rather take the tiny $599 windowless interior & do 5 cruises this year instead of just 1.





But this private, sunny lounge did feel awfully nice.