MORE ROOMS AT DISNEY

And just when you thought they couldn't squeeze in even 1 more guest.....


Opening this May Disney's 'Art Of Animation Resort' will be loaded with  swimming pools, interactive play areas and an animation-themed food court. 


All will be based on 4 high grossing Mouse toons: The Little Mermaid, Cars, Finding Nemo & The Lion King.


But it's the snoozing arrangements that might put the real smile on adult faces.


More than half of these rooms will be suites. So the kids can have their own sleeping quarters - complete with an 'Inovabed'. That's a dining table that converts into a bed. 


Ok, it doesn't sound as comfortable as a pillow top, but at least - in the middle of the night - you'll know where all those cracker crumbs came from. 


Then Mom & Dad will have a private bedroom - with a locking door - so they can get a jump start at creating their next batch of 'mouseketeers'. 


And - in the morning - everyone will know where all those 'potato chip feeling' sheets really came from.


But the cost of cartoon decor, transforming beds & 'twinkle in the eye' privacy is nothing to laugh at.


Prices start at $250. Of course that's 'off season'. 


Translation of 'off season': when hurricanes might blow,  frost's on the ground, no holidays in sight & school's in session. 


When you are actually able to take your family, it will cost more.


But can you really put a price tag on the joy of your little ones' faces as they wander through everything Ariel, Nemo & Simba?


Of course you can't, but the imagineers at Disney can:


And it starts at $250 at a time when no one with a family can go.

AMERICAN AIRLINES FILES FOR BANKRUPTCY

Yikes! Does this mean you should:


1.  Cancel your AA Christmas flight to Grandma's? 
2.  Re-book it on another carrier - at a probably much higher price - just in case?
3.  Never, ever again - no matter how good the deal may be - buy another AA or American Eagle ticket?


As Sportin' Life sang in 'Porgy & Bess', 'It ain't necessarily so.'


The reason: filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in the real world is a lot different than going bankrupt in 'Monopoly'. 


How so?


In the Parker Brothers version, you go the 'B' word & you're out of the game, completely broke, finished, the end. 


But in our RW, going 'B' could be a ploy that actually cuts costs. In other words - a good business decision.


And listen to this : AA was the only major full fare US airline left who hadn't gone bankrupt.


Yes, my dears, the Deltas & Uniteds have already flown this route.


That means - unlike D & U - AA still has to honor its union contracts. This costs over $600 mil more per year than the competition to keep on flying.


So by filing C11, they can be tougher at the negotiation table.


Ok, they may lower operational costs by picking the pockets of union workers, which leaves a very bad taste in a lot of mouths - including mine.


But the bottom line may be that they will - like D & U - continue flying.


AA states:


'...(we) expect to continue normal business operations throughout the reorganization process...operating normal flight schedules, honoring tickets and reservations as usual, and making normal refunds and exchanges. American's AAdvantage frequent flyer program is not affected.'


They also say they will:


1. Fly normal schedules with 3,300 daily flights.
2. Honor tickets and reservations.
3. Fully maintain the AAdvantage frequent-flyer program & keep miles intact.   
4. Continue Admirals Club amenities for eligible customers.
5. Provide employee wages and health benefits without interruption.


Since AA is on track to lose over a billion $ this year, you may question the truthfulness of the above promises. 


But - looking how other airlines handled their financial messes after 'B' - there's a good chance that they are true.


However, a wise traveler should keep an eye - through the papers, TV, this blog - on AA to make sure they continue to fly straight.


Or even at all.


In the meantime, give Grandma a big Christmas smooch - right on her kisser - from me.


And it's probably a good idea to pass on that 4th helping of her butter caked mashed potatoes.

CRUISING WITH THE 'KING' WILL GET YOU "ALL SHOOK UP"

There will be multiple Elvis sightings from Jacksonville to the Bahamas this January.


Blue Suede Shoed fans from around the world will be celebrating 'the King's' 77th b'day rocking & rolling 1/12 - 1/16 on the Carnival Fascination for the 5th Annual Elvis Cruise.


Ok, all true believers (who've been living at the 'Heartbreak Hotel' since his untimely '77 'Return To Sender') know that the late hip swinger's 1st bow was on 1/8...


 ... but what's a couple of extra days when you can party with a boatload of multi-sequined, cape wearing impersonators & a bevy of 'who the hell is that?' Elvis movie co-stars & musical guests?


I mean, look at the lineup of 'song & actor' on-boards: 


Dianna Gee 
DJ Argo
Joey Sulipeck
Tom Brown
Andy Childs
Terry Mike Jeffrey
Elvis' Imperials
The Memphis Boys
Ronnie McDowell
Joe Guercio
Holladay Sisters
Gavin Kelly
Lori Anderson
Brad Birkedahl
Jamie Aaron Kelley
EAS Band
Change of Habit Tribute Band
Al Wertheimer
Charles Stone
Lowell Hays
Larry Geller
Chris Noel
Christopher Riordan
Cynthia Pepper
Edward Faulkner
Gavin and Robin Koon
Larry Domasin
Victoria Paige Meyerink
Marlyn Mason
Celeste Yarnall
Brandon Bennett
Bill Cherry
David Allen
Gino Monopoli
Jay Dupuis
Jay Zanier
Kavan
Mark Anthony
Ted Torres
Stephen Freeman


I'll bet your 'Good Luck Charm' & 'Ring Around Your Neck' that you haven't heard of a single one.


Never-the-less, 'That's Alright, Mama' because they will all be there to sing Elvis songs, share Elvis stories & sell Elvis trinkets - yes, kids, even big E's 'official jeweler' will be there hawking his wares - between panel discussions, fashion shows and the Memphis man's movies.


For a full listing of days/times/peeps:


http://www.theelviscruise.com/schedule


To join these high sea 'Shake, Rattle & Roll'- ers, it will set back all you 'Kissin' Cousins' from $599 for an inside cabin - located 'In The Ghetto' otherwise known as the Riviera deck - up to a 'feel my temperature rising'  $2,899 for the master penthouse.


Viva Las checkbook!


And don't forget, that's in travel-speak math. In reality, tack on another $149 per peep for taxes, fees & just because that's the way cruise ship pricing works.


That has to be more moola then even Col. Tom could squeeze from fans back when the Graceland Guru's hips could still gyrate.


However - since this is the sail's 5th version - there obviously are enough worldwide folk who feel a whole lotta 'Burning Love' for this at sea 'Clambake'. 


But at $700 plus per, these ocean going high (rock n') rollers seem more like the Jailhouse Rocker's estate's sugar daddies than his 'Teddy Bears'.


Personally, I think we'd all have more 'Fun In Acapulco', 'Blue Hawaii' or being in 'Kentucky Rain' with or without a bumbershoot.

THE EARLY BIRD CATCHES THE PLANE

It's almost the 'Winter Weather Delay' season. You know when snow drifts, freezing rain or arctic ice add hours onto airplane schedules or - in the worst case situation - completely cancels your flight. 


So now you're stuck sitting in Schenectady instead cruising the Caribbean  on a ship that cost you more than this (& maybe next) year's IRA contribution.


There's a way to avoid (or at least minimize) suffering the pain of old man winter's worst - book the earliest flight of the day.


Ok, you might have to be up before the crack of dawn & you might arrive at your vacation spot way before boarding or check in time... 


But the plane will usually be there waiting for you - gassed, de-iced, fully stocked, warm & ready - when you roll into the airport.


All you have to do is check in, board it & enjoy chomping the complementary peanuts & coke on the way to a sunny paradise.


Later planes aren't so lucky. 


Not only can they be affected by Jack Frost at their take off, but they also are slowed by all of the delays that occurred on your plane's previous flights.


Many a mid day winter traveler has spent a cramped night crunched in an airport spine altering seat waiting for a runway snowplow instead of being bathed by beach breezes while swinging on a hammock. 


And - as an extra bonus - usually the 1st flight is the cheapest. You'll have some extra coin to slurp a mai tai or 3.


So, the early bird not only gets the plane, he gets the hammock, sea breezes & a couple of extra drinks, too. 

THE BIGGEST THANKSGIVING 'TURKEY'...

That would be me.


I must have had way too much Thanksgiving stuffing in my head yesterday when I wrote that there is only one alligator wrestling school - in 'not so tropical' Colorado no less - & the 1st class doesn't begin until March.


No doubt I disappointed all of you potential 'gator grapplers' who need immediate gratification. 


But turn that frown up 'you know where'. There is another 'school', in sunny Florida - not far from Disney World - that offers instruction all year round.


Hooray. Now you won't have to wait 'til spring to lose a limb.


Gator Adventure Productions in Orlando - 6586 International Drive - proudly offers its 'Alligator Academy' where you can matriculate in such skills as:





Ok, it's a bit pricier than the Colorado joint at $150 - and that's for 1 hour as opposed to C's 3 - but you'll probably make it up with the cheaper Orlando hotels plus you get to see a slew of family friendly theme parks for the same plane ticket after your wrestling wounds heal.


Also you can call 888-49- GATOR. There could be a daily discount.


Here 'classes' can have from 1 to 4 students. 2 professional handlers oversee to hopefully guarantee that participants leave with all 10 fingers firmly attached. 


1st, you play with the wee 3-4 footers. After 20 or so minutes, its time to grope the 6-8' 'big boys'.





All lessons much be pre-arranged - probably to make sure you don't show up just BEFORE feeding time. To schedule a skirmish call Josh at (321) 332-8789 or Flavio (407) 948-6507.


To enroll, you must be at least 12 - I think that means age & not IQ.


Actually a lesson or two might be a creative way for Nana & Pop to lessen the worrisome crowding at the Thanksgiving kids' table - permanently. 





Oh yes, it's probably wise to wear something that you don't mind getting sandy or wet - like a bathing suit, T shirt & 'sea socks' - for you will be tangling with these toothy terrors in their 'home' ponds & beaches.


Just hope that 'home field advantage' only matters in football.

ALLIGATOR WRESTLING 101

Today many travelers like to learn a new skill while on vacation.


Some go to Paris to study art. The Napa Valley for wine making. The Alps for mountain climbing.


But for that great majority of vacationers who have their hearts set on mastering the fun sport of alligator wrestling...





... where would they go?


Florida - probably somewhere near the Everglades - would be the logical guess. 


I mean the Sunshine State has daily shows where someone actually jumps into water & tangos with one of these prehistoric monsters.


And it would probably be a safe bet that an AW school would be somewhere in the vicinity of the Seminole reservation since they're the most famous gator grabbers. 


Right?


Wrong.


There is only one alligator wrestling school in the entire world & it's located in sunny, tropical Colorado.


Colorado?!? The state known for mountains & snow skiing?


Yes, that Colorado.


In fact at Colorado Gators Reptile Park - located at 9162 Lane 9,  Mosca, CO 81146 - you can see the big ones sunning themselves on even chilly winter days.





Yes, eagle eyed readers, they are lying on snow.


Ok, officially this isn't a wrestling academy.  CGRP teaches basic 'Alligator Handling'. 


During their 3 hour lesson you'll learn how to 'handle' a small alligator...





... and then gradually work up to a larger size. 





That means you could go all the way up to the 9-footers...





... like 'Morris the Movie Star' who 'retired' here after years of TV commercials, Tonight Show appearances & feature films including 'Blues Brothers 2000', 'Happy Gilmore' & - of course - 'Alligator' parts 1 & 2.


Classes cost $100 & usually begin in March. For more info call them: 719-378-2612.


Sign up & after 180 minutes this could be you.





When asked what he learned, a recent 'grad' said, 'Always know your limits & be vigilant of the gator's 'areas of danger'.'

That would be anywhere near its wide open mouth.

BEAT BIG BAG FEES - WEAR YOUR LUGGAGE

Tired of paying exorbitant airline charges for their checked in bags, many travelers beat these fees by using only 'carry-ons'.  


However, this costs the airlines $. 


Some low priced flyers - like RyanAir & Spirit - gave their bottom line a boost by charging for these 'handhelds'. 


Others LPFs limit the weight of these bags to as low as 15 lbs. Yes, there's a pre-boarding weigh-in.  Move the scale even a nano ounce more & into the plane belly they go - for the fee.


And how long until the 'big boys' - Delta, Continental, American, etal - start milking money from this carry-on cash cow?


Before you burn your frequent flyer cards & start perusing the Amtrak or Greyhound timetables, our friends at Jaktogo have another suggestion:


Why not wear all your luggage?





Believe it or not, this is a coat.


It does unfold & is loaded with pockets where you can stuff a couple of shirts, pants, socks, boxers (or briefs) or even a sweater, jacket & a towel (or 2). Enough for a week's vacation.


And since (at the time of this writing) there are no charges for bringing on a jacket, all of your stuff flies free.


At 1st some airlines baulked at this being a bonafide coat, but now most agree its 'jacket-worthy' & some even let it board in its folded state.


Ok, you're not going to be making cover of GQ by wearing this -does anyone remember the 60s 'Balloon Dress'? (is a Nehru  Jacket version next?) - but some feel the savings is worth the fashion faux pas.





And now they've added a few different styles. But remember - the larger the coat size, the more stuff you can stuff.


Want to see how it works? -


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEMS8CMfJ_g

And the Bulgarian coat company is offering a 25% discount till the end of the month. You can buy one of these babies (original style) for about $81 down from about $108.


http://www.jaktogo.com/shop.php


That's less than some airlines' one trip bag fee. 


Buy one & the fashion statement you'll be making is either:


1. That you like to save some air fare moola.


Or


2. You're really 'jones-ing' for the 60s.

DID YOU KNOW WALT HAD 'SECRET ROOMS'?

Yes kids, Walt Disney had a secret apartment added to the blueprints of the pre-built Disney World Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle.

Hey, the man needed a place to hang his hat while overseeing all things mouse in Orlando.


Unfortunately, Walt went to Disneyland north in 1966 (a good 5 years before the park opened) & the apartment was never built. The space was used for storage & telephone operators.


That was until 2006 when the company announced that they created  ultra lavish digs in the secret space - the Cinderella Suite.





Ok, the place isn't large (less than 700 sq ft) & you really don't have a good view of the park through its fairly small stained glass windows, but the CS has ultra decorated furnished rooms that are truly fit for a king.





The place's loaded with many imagineer-worthy surprises. For example Cinderella's portrait is really a large screen TV... 





... walls & floors are covered with movie inspired mosaics...





And the bathroom - all I can say is that if you're sitting on the throne, you're REALLY sitting on a throne.


Plus there are so many Disney decorations, knickknacks, baubles & tchotchkes to tickle the eye that it would take days to find them all. 


And it's the only apartment right in the middle of the Magic Kingdom.


So how much to rent the place for you & yours?


Nothing. Because it's not for rent.


They mostly 'comp' it to celebrities, business honchos, world leaders & the like. A few 'make a wish' kids have stayed. 


But fear not. Even if you do not fit into the above categories, you still have a chance to call CS home for a night.


Every once in a while the Mouse House throws a special promotion & gives a family a free stay (like they did nightly during the 2007-08 Year of a Million Dreams Celebration). 


The problem is that they are a bit tight lipped about these future promos. 


I called Disney & talked to a manager at the Cinderella Castle restaurant. She didn't know the suite existed nor was it listed on her computer.


And she works in the building.


She did transfer me to 'Eduardo' at Disney Reservations (he can book you into any WDW room) & even he's in the dark.


But I did find a source at WDW Guest Communications who promised to spill all the beans about the next promo when (or if) it's finally scheduled.


So, if you'd like your queen, your little princesses/princes & your kingly self to live in the royalty that you all truly deserve - even if it's for only one night - keep an eye on this blog.


Any 'bean' I get will be served hot right here.

DID YOU KNOW WALT HAD 'SECRET ROOMS'?

Yes kids, Walt Disney had a secret apartment added to the blueprints of the pre-built Disney World Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle.

Hey, the man needed a place to hang his hat while overseeing all things mouse in Orlando.


Unfortunately, Walt went to Disneyland north in 1966 (a good 5 years before the park opened) & the apartment was never built. The space was used for storage & telephone operators.


That was until 2006 when the company announced that they created  ultra lavish digs in the secret space - the Cinderella Suite.





Ok, the place isn't large (less than 700 sq ft) & you really don't have a good view of the park through its fairly small stained glass windows, but the CS has ultra decorated furnished rooms that are truly fit for a king.





The place's loaded with many imagineer-worthy surprises. For example Cinderella's portrait is really a large screen TV... 





... walls & floors are covered with movie inspired mosaics...





And the bathroom - all I can say is that if you're sitting on the throne, you're REALLY sitting on a throne.


Plus there are so many Disney decorations, knickknacks, baubles & tchotchkes to tickle the eye that it would take days to find them all. 


And it's the only apartment right in the middle of the Magic Kingdom.


So how much to rent the place for you & yours?


Nothing. Because it's not for rent.


They mostly 'comp' it to celebrities, business honchos, world leaders & the like. A few 'make a wish' kids have stayed. 


But fear not. Even if you do not fit into the above categories, you still have a chance to call CS home for a night.


Every once in a while the Mouse House throws a special promotion & gives a family a free stay (like they did nightly during the 2007-08 Year of a Million Dreams Celebration). 


The problem is that they are a bit tight lipped about these future promos. 


I called Disney & talked to a manager at the Cinderella Castle restaurant. She didn't know the suite existed nor was is listed on her computer.


And she works in the building.


She did transfer me to 'Eduardo' at Disney Reservations (he can book you into any WDW room) & even he's in the dark.


But I did find a source at WDW Guest Communications who promised to spill all the beans about the next promo when (or if) it's finally scheduled.


So, if you'd like your queen, your little princesses/princes & your kingly self to live in the royalty that you all truly deserve - even if it's for only one night - keep an eye on this blog.


Any 'bean' I get will be served hot right here.

PILOT GETS CAUGHT WITH HIS PANTS DOWN

From the 'You can't make this stuff up' department:


Last Wednesday, 'nature called' for the pilot of Delta 6132 about 1/2 hour from landing at LaGuardia.


Since this was a small plane (14 passengers), the entire crew consisted of a pilot, co-pilot & 1 flight attendant. 


Airline security protocol requires two people to be in the cockpit at all times so when the pilot left to leak, the lone flight attendant took his place in the driver's seat.


Ok so far.


But the pilot didn't return. 


As every frequent flyer knows, airlines have been cutting back on niceties for years. On this flight they obviously cut back on oiling the loo locks.


The pilot was stuck inside the airborne john. 


After several minutes of shaking, banging - and possibly launching more than a few 'F' bombs - a nearby passenger came to help, but the door wouldn't budge. 


The trapped pilot asked the 'good samaritan' to go to the cockpit & inform the crew of his predicament. 


He even gave the man a double 'secret password' the airline uses for cockpit access so the crew would know he was on the up & up.


Unfortunately, the passenger was foreign born & still had a bit of an accent.


Obviously fearing 9/11 part deux, the co-pilot heard the non-USA sounding voice, refused his entry & immediately called air traffic controllers.


'The captain has disappeared in the back, and uh, I have someone trying to access the cockpit,' radioed the Co-P. 


'I'm being told is he's stuck in the lav and someone with a thick foreign accent is giving me a password to access the cockpit and I'm not about to let him in.'


Air Traffic Control responded: 'You guys ought to declare an emergency and just get on the ground.'


Needless to say more than a few tense moments ensued.


But before anyone was able to launch the F-15s, the captain crashed through the crapper door & was back in the driver's seat.


'This is the captain,' he radioed. 'I'm back in the cockpit... uh... Lavatory door malfunction.'


The controller on the ground - whose only experience with 'malfunction' may have been watching the 'wardrobe' one at Super Bowl 38 - was skeptical. 


'I just want to make sure. Was there any disturbance in the airplane?"


'Negative,' the pilot responded. 'The captain - myself - was in the lavatory and the door latch broke and had to fight my way out of it with my body to get the door open.'


Just in case someone named 'Bin Laden' was on the passenger manifold, the FBI was called out in force.


The plane made an emergency landing at LaGuardia without
incident.


Homeland Security head Janet Napolitano & J. Edgar's ghost should both be proud.

MORE DANGEROUS THAN A MAN EATING SHARK?

What do you think is more dangerous to man than this great white?


Well according to Dr. George Burgess (head honcho for Fl Museum of National History's International Shark Attack File), Brent Escott (managing director of British travel insurer Club Direct) & Dr. Peter Barss (writing in the Journal of Trauma) there is something hanging out there that kills:


'150 people worldwide each year, which makes them about ten times more dangerous than sharks'.


Yikes!


What could this homicidal creature be? 


An African lion? A Nile River croc? An Asian tiger? 


You ex-wife's divorce lawyer?


You should be so lucky.


No, according to this learned trio,  the more murderous bugger is this blood thirsty beast:

Yes, a common coconut. 


Of course, it would have to fall from the top of a palm tree...

... & hit you squarely on the noggin to do its damage. 


Frightening news to all travelers who plan on Caribbean -ing or Florida-ing it on beaches this winter.


But before you run out to buy a coconut proof crash helmet or cancel that cruise/hotel/plane reservation, you might want to consider this:


All 3 men are wrong. 


They based their statements on flawed statistics written in a mid 80s report that - if you really think about it - seems questionable (if not laughable) to anyone with an average IQ.


Yet not one of these knowledgeable 'experts' bothered to verify its accuracy. They accepted this claptrap as fact.


Sounds like they all might be candidates for the next GOP Prez debate.


Ok, there have been cases where someone took an Isaac Newton-like cranium coconut conk & passed to another world, but it is nowhere in the 150 per annum neighborhood.


And there has been a coconut concession - or 2 - due to a misplaced head.


But when walking down a tropical trail to the beach...

... enjoy - without worry - the sight of beautiful palms swaying in the sea breeze.


But - especially in Fl - always be ready to duck your head & run from a very real danger if you hear an elderly voice saying the most frightening word in the English language...

... 'FORE!'

'BUT I ALREADY PAID EXTRA FOR MY PEANUTS & COKE'

If you're looking for a cheap flight from the UK to India, you might want to pass on Austria's Comtel Air no matter how low the published price.


It seems that - last tuesday - the airline made a scheduled Vienna  stop  & demanded an unscheduled 23,000 pounds (that's 36,528.73 in yankee bucks) from its passengers to pay for fuel.


And no extra cash meant no more flying.


I don't know about you, but I haven't been asked for 'gas money' since the 60s when my creepy cousin Clarence offered to drive me & the gang to the malt shop.


Passengers actually emptied their wallets, purses & some probably checked under their seat cushions, just in case. Those a bit short were allowed to leave the plane - one at a time - to find a friendly ATM.


'We were held for ransom', said one passenger.


Comtel claims that travel agent Skyjet UK went bankrupt & never paid the airline for its booked seats. So they were a little short on petrol pounds.


That might have been a nice factoid to tell ticket holders BEFORE they boarded in India.


But before painting Comtel as money grabbing (not so frequent flying) con artists with a multi mega cash flow problem, they'll remind you that they really have a big heart - there was no extra charge for any passenger under the age of 2.


And she was very happy not to have to break into her piggy bank for the ride home.

HOW ABOUT A COWBOY VACATION, DUDE?

If you thought about taking your clan on a Colorado dude ranch cowboy vacation, but you're still having 'City Slicker' induced nightmares...





 ... thanks to how badly the gruff cow punching guide (Jack Palance's Oscar winning 'Curly') abused saddlesore easterner Billy Crystal on his western VaCa.


And you fear - no, you know - that your tenderfooted  fam would blister at hearing even one discouraging word.


Well, worry no more. The 'Curlys' of the world are only found in the imagination of Tinseltown screenwriters & at 3 Stooges' retrospectives.





Today, dude ranches earn their spurs by being family friendly while roping in top marks as an all inclusive vacation stop.


That 'all inclusive' brand means comfortable lodging, 3 meals a day, horseback riding & a chuck wagonload of fun activities.





Many offer children & teen programs, evening entertainment, whitewater rafting, fishing, hayrides, campfire cookouts, overnight camping, cattle roundups & swimming.


There are pools, ponds and streams with beaches and decks. 


Of course, if you just want the 'real old west experience' you can always dunk your head in the horse trough.


Some boast 18 holes, tennis courts, kayaks, scenic mountain top hot air balloon flights or even maid service & fine dining. 


Yes, I said, 'maid service & fine dining'.


The sound you hear is Curly turning over in his grave.


But how do you choose the right one for all your little dudes & dudettes?


And maybe some bigger ones. Could Nana & Pop Pop been reining in secret visions of being Dale Evans & Roy Rogers atop Buttercup & Trigger? 


The Colorado Dude & Guest Ranch Association can help you here.   


They list all of 29 of their member ranches so you can compare locations, dates, activities & prices.


http://www.coloradoranch.com/find-ranches.php


They'll even send you a brochure, if you'd like.


http://www.coloradoranch.com/request-a-brochure.php


Read it carefully. There are ranches with nary a cow in sight.





Ok,  the 'top of the season' price starts at just under 2 grand per adult (probably the ones sans cows) & the most expensive 'ranch' charges slightly over 4. That's all inclusive (even with taxes) for a week.


Not cheap, but you pay one price & basically can leave your wallet locked in the family saddlebag.


And - hey Dad - it's only $. 


Your family, Dale & Roy & Curly would all agree, 'The best way to see the West is from the back of a horse.'


Much better than going anywhere while sitting next to a penny pinching horse's ass.

STUDY HISTORIC DILDOS, VIBRATORS & MAYBE GYPSY ROSE LEE'S BOA @ NYC MUSEUM...... FOR 1/2 PRICE

If you find yourself in a Big Apple museum mood - but had enough of the Met, MOMA & Natural History palaces - maybe this place could give your... let's say... spirit a rise:





And for the next 3 days our friends at Groupon are offering 1/2 price admission (for 2) that will get you in (I mean 'the museum door', of course) from now until next May.


http://www.groupon.com/deals/museum-of-sex-new-york?c=button&sid=11020577&division=new-york&utm_source=newsletter&s=body&utm_medium=email&p=5&date=20111115&utm_campaign=museum-of-sex-new-york&utm_content=all-deals_new-york&addxe=SllLTkBBT0wuQ09N&user=0cb84273b33c158a45445906b4bed040db3323ff234558259cef2c5d316f19dd


I know, it is a big address. But maybe it's another less than subtle way for those Groupon sex scholars to prove that size really does matter. 


Now what exactly do you get for your $19 ducat?


Well, besides the ability to peruse their 15,000 (& growing) artifact permanent collection, you can enjoy some serious academic study at the:


1. Research Library - a collection of books ranging from historically significant works to recently published art, fiction and Sexology texts.


2. Media Library - an extensive collection of media including 8mm, Super 8mm, 16mm, BETA, VHS, and DVDs from mainstream studio releases to illicit “stags” and modern pornography.


3. Harmony Theatre Exhibit - previously known as the Melody Burlesk, it features artifacts from one of NYC's longest-running strip joints. 


4. Ralph Whittington Collection - an extensive record of the adult industry over the past three decades. Ralph traced his lifelong interest in porn to finding a pocket-sized magazine on a Baltimore trip when he was in the second grade. 


And my parents only took me to the zoo.

DON'T TELL YOUR 'FRIENDS' EVERYTHING

In WW2 a popular poster read: 'Loose Lips Sink Ships'.


Today - with almost everyone being active in 'net social media (that's Facebook for the less than computer savvy) - your on-line 'loose lips' (while you're away blissfully sunning in Sarasota) could give a 'Light Fingered Louie' more than enough info to rob your home.


Not quite on par with the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, but a still good way to ruin your vacation.


And it does happen more often than you'd think.


Last month - thanks to daily on-line vaca postings & pics - a holidaying Facebooker's pad was safely 'burgled' by one of his zillion, never met,  'friends'.


To quote GOP Prez Candidate Rick Perry, 'Oops'.


But since we like all like to brag ... er ... share with our friends the joys of our travels...


And our Carlos & Charlies' 'wet T shirt' contest pics really do help poor cousin Floyd get though his 3 to 5 Attica stay...


So how can we still travel, 'share' & still avoid the welcome home 'B&E'? 


How about this - on FB, you can use the site's 'privacy controls': 


1. Simply sort your friends into customized groups. 


2. Create a 'Best Buds' group for your most trusted pals in the 'Privacy Settings' section. 


3. When posting vacation info on your wall, use the audience-selector dropdown menu to choose the 'Best Buds' group. 


Now only those whom you've pegged as 'BBs' will see it. 


Voila, the 'fringe friend' bad guys are out of the loop & your treasures will be safe.


And right now your 'true friends' at IndependentTraveler.com are offering 9 tips to keep your digs safe so the cat burglars can't play while you're away: 


http://www.independenttraveler.com/resources/article.cfm?AID=965&category=5


It's worth a read.


And - to be extra safe - if you have any spare C & C wet 'T' pics, send them to me (your super duper best bud) AFTER you come home from your next trip.


I promise only to steal a leering glance - or 2.

SWING LIKE TARZAN IN LUXURY TREEHOUSE

                                                                                                             
Remember those great MGM circa 1930s filcks where Tarzan & Jane carvort in a fabulous tree house?


Well, now you, too, can play like this swinging duo by staying in a luxurious, modern day, 2 story version.





And it's walking distance from an actual jungle - complete with wild parrots, climbing sloths, leaping 'poison dart' lizards & howler monkeys - that would make the Ape Man, his honey & even Cheetah green with envy.


Nature Observatorio - in the National Wildlife Refuge of Gandoca-Manzanillo - is Costa Rico's treetop observatory that you can actually rent as your own 'in forest' high rise.


http://www.natureobservatorio.com/index.html


Ok, it is 'from' (& 'from' is a very scary word in travel speak) $400 per night, but isn't the 'lord of the jungle' experience worth more to you than the money you may save by staying in the local version of a Motel 6 - even if HBO is included?


I mean, your apartment hangs about 80 feet above the jungle floor without a neighboring building in sight. Look east & you can actually see the beautiful blue caribbean (& feel its cool breezes).


The loft's 2 bedrooms are on the top level...





... & the observation floor is below.





Plus there's even a hatch in the roof so you can climb another 100' to the top branch.


Not your typical 'rental apartment' - at any price.


And it's uber eco friendly.


Not one nail or screw attaches this treetop palace to any living plant. It's all held in place with nylon straps.


And it will be moved after 5 years or so to another location so there will be no lasting limb nor trunk damage.


Plus you'll drink & bathe in rainwater...





... & run all equipment  on power from solar cells - including the ground to home 'elevator'.



Sort of a 2011 version of a swinging vine. 


And a big improvement over T&J's 'elephant powered' technology. 





Ok, maybe not.


But - if you don't trust the 'lift' or simply want a workout - you can use your Tarzan-like muscles & climb all the way up.


Once on top, a Johnny Weissmuller-ish T'man yell is purely optional.