A Saturday or so ago in Chapel Hill, Sandy & I were surprised with college football tix via the generosity of her son Matt & his charming SO Jackie (both UNC researchers with PhDs) .
So - being just a few decades past our sophomore years (slightly north of 4 for me. Sandy refuses to divulge her #s) - we decided to relive our youth, jump whole hog into the college experience & actually become 100% bonafide Tarheels for a day.
Boohla, boohla!
Step 1 in this transformation - a Friday trip to Dicks Sporting Goods. Our goal: a genuine Tarheel themed grill.
I mean what's college ball without tailgating? We WERE going 100%, right?
And TH blue it had to be - preferably stickered with a tar splotched toe. We would accept no substitute.
And to hell with the cost!
Ok, but who could pass up an $8.95 grill? And the lid is practically TC blue - if you squint & are color blind.
No doubt that damned Dick probably went to the University of Miami - our gridiron opponent of the day - & was trying to make us lose our TH spirit by tempting our 'cheapskate' gene.
Impossible!
Er... that is until we read those hellish 3 little words that have caused fathers to lose Christmas Eve sleep & grown men to weep ...
...'some assembly required'.
Obvious Dr. Matt didn't do his dissertation on 'grill building'. And I'm never quite sure which way you turn that screw...
But after a few hours & a couple of false starts...
... success!
And 4 hours later - also called 'the next morning' - voila:
Even the picture is enough to make your mouth water.
And the 'more than a couple' off screen beers weren't bad either.
We had found the perfect tailgating spot.
Ok, that perfect spot cost $20 & there was a big sign that warned 'Absolutely No Charcoal Grills!'. No wonder Dick - that capitalist crook - charged less than a 10. You couldn't use the damned thing.
Seeing the 'ANCG' sign made both our faces & spirits drop.
But the fee collector grabbed our 20 quicker than Mitt Romney changes positions on health care & said - from the corner of his mouth - 'Out of sight, out of mind'.
The 6 sweetest words possible.
We were in!
And with the tons of tailgaters legally propane-ing it, a little charcoal went unnoticed - even though we were parked directly across from a fully manned police substation.
Hey, we were ready with some rib bribes ... but the men (& women) in blue let the charcoal burn - probably happy that we weren't burning something else.
Step 2 in the transform - TH hats & shirts.
Ok, my chapeau was probably previously worn by the only conehead UNC grad in college history...
...but smart shopper Sandy somehow found an official TH shirt for under $12 - they even put her name on the back -
at no extra charge.
Is every Chapel Hill merchant aware of the 'cheap gene'? Hmmmm.
Anyway, we were well on the way to 'Tarheel-ness'.
Soon we were taking the short hike to the stadium with 80 thousand or so of our - now - best TH blue wearing buds...
... looking as Tarheel-ly as anyone.
The place was a sell out.
But Dr. Matt snagged us 40 yd line ducats, 5 rows in back of the UNC bench. The best seats we've ever had.
Maybe he DID do his dissertation on 'ticket nabbing'.
Unfortunately - as TV fans saw in living color - Miami won .
No doubt some TH faithful were hoping to see alum LB Lawrence back in pads...
... or RB Kelvin take a few handoffs.
But it wasn't to be.
Although - after a bad 1st quarter - the 'Heels' did step it up & were in the game 'til the end. They were driving for the winning points when time ran out.
Close, but no Tiparillo.
Boo.
But, on the positive side, my TH transformation must have been complete.
I felt as sad as anyone in the stadium.
But, remembering that even this post-TH body probably still moved like a Maytag on the dance floor, I opted to only 'boogie' back to the car.
I mean, wouldn't bad hoofing be disrespectful to the proud Tarheel history & heritage that I reverently reflected by the wearing of my TH hat?
Even if its previous owner may have worn it in a couple of Saturday Night Live skits.
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