Yes, I've ordered them all - 'liquid fire', 'atomic bomb', 'molten lava', 'hell in a bottle', 'belly burner', etc. - & have found them all to be much, much less than their fiery names promised.
That was until today when Sandy & I pedaled our 'Pequods' into USA's oldest city...
And stopped at this 'old town' shop.
'Wild? Ha!' I sneered & marched in confident that their '60 feet of samples' would be more tepid than flame.
Brazenly I asked to try their hottest knowing that my taste buds were seconds away from yet another major disappointment.
The Mistress of All Sauces - also known as Kelly - led me to the far side of the shop where children & those with weak stomachs were forbidden to trod.
From behind the counter - hidden for the safety of the general public - she pulled out:
'The hottest sauce in the universe?' I laughed, grabbed the bottle & a cracker.
'Only use one drop - or less,' she warned.
I chuckled, but mercifully followed her advice.
It took less than a minute for the heat to radiate from my mouth.
'It will get worse,' Kelly said with a slight smile.
She was right. My body temp began to rise.
She then began to explain - with a bit too much glee - that on the Scoville Organoleptic Scale (the test that officially measures the heat of chile peppers - yes this is a real scale. Google it.) this baby measures 2.5 million units.
About the same as being squirted in the face with pepper spray.
And the drop that I used was just a little more than you should use to season an entire gallon of spaghetti sauce.
By this time I was heading out the door of the shop, hoping my body would cool down in the 68 degree outside temp.
Kelly told Sandy that she was actually impressed by how well I handled my 2.5 mil. unit taste - she's seen people turn a variety of colors, fall to their knees or worse.
Sandy once again proved to be the love of my life by sparing me from any post taste 'I told you so's.
And, despite being an avid photographer, she took zero pictures that had even the slightest chance of including my ever changing, multi-colored mug for the next 3 hours.
BTW, the 1.77 oz bottle from hell costs $14.95 & can be purchased at the:
Pepper Palace
2 Saint George St Suite #101
St. Augustine, FL 32084
Phone: (904)827-1090
But, please remember:
Although - unlike Ahab & his 'great white' - my quest for the 'hottest red' didn't end in death nor destruction...
... it would have been much more pleasant with only 1/2 of a drop - or less.
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